In the Children's Room

Now listen to the program."

Then Grandpapa took up a newspaper, and pretended to be reading from it:

THE PIPE HEAD AND THE GOOD HEAD

A Family Drama in One Act

CHARACTERS

MR. PIPE HEAD, a father

MISS GLOVE, a daughter

MR. WAISTCOAT, a lover

MR. BOOT, a suitor

"Now we're ready to start. The curtain rises! But we don't have any curtain, so it's up already. All the characters are on the stage, so we see them immediately. Now I speak as Father Pipe Head; he's angry today. You can see that he's a colored meerschaum.

"Chitchat! Muttering! Poppycock! I'm master of this house! I'm my daughter's father! Listen to what I have to say! Mr. Boot is a person in whom you can see your face; his upper part is made of morocco, and he has spurs at the bottom. Prattle! Chitchat! He shall have my daughter!'

"Now listen to what the Waistcoat says, little Anna," said Grandfather. "He's speaking now. The Waistcoat has a laydown collar, is very modest, but knows his own value and has a right to speak his mind. 'I haven't a spot on me!' he says. 'Good material ought to be taken into consideration; I'm made of real silk, and have strings on me.'

" 'On the wedding day, but not after that. You don't keep your color in the wash!' This is Mr. Pipe Head speaking. 'But Mr. Boot is watertight, made of strong leather, and yet very delicate. He can creak and clank his spurs, and looks Italian!' "

"But they ought to speak in poetry," said little Anna. "I've heard that's the nicest way."

"Oh, they can do that, too," said Grandfather. "And if the public wants it, they'll do it. Just look at little Miss Glove, pointing her fingers!

A glove without a mate; That's forever my fate!

Ah!

I can't get over it! I think my skin will split!

Bah!

"It was Father Pipe Head who said, 'Bah!' And now Mr. Waistcoat speaks:

Oh, beautiful Glove,

You must be my love,

Though you're from Spain

And I'm Holger the Dane!

"When Mr. Boot hears this he kicks up his heels, jingles his spurs, and knocks down three of our side wings.